Corinne in Distress

ohmygoodnesshowfuckedupismymind

Thu, 10 May 2007 03:30:08 GMT

My head is pounding. I literally didn’t even fall asleep before I found myself crying after my worst nightmare. I find myself not knowing what the hell I am going to do after this year comes and goes. I wish I was wonder woman and had the power to REALLY multi-task. Sure there’s school and work. And whatever the hell is in between. Oh, ok so I’ll go to France in December but then what? I realized that I cant keep living this long distance relationship that is killing my heart little by little. Every time I find a solution another problem pops up. If I do this then what happens here? Why the fuck do I keep running around in circles chasing my own tail? I have always felt that I need to please others and make sure that everyone is happy. And so I take this excuse to say that I need to try and make myself happy for once. Until I realize that every time I have tried to make someone else happy I have reaped some benefit from it and so was needless to say pleasing myself as well. I have my father who feels that moving away tears a family apart. I have my mother who encourages studying away from home. I have my friends whom I love so much. I have Kevin who means the world to me who would love it if I could just pick up everything and stay over there. And then there’s… well… me. I have always wanted to go to France to study and live my life. I guess it has something to do with the culture, atmosphere, people, and carefree life style. This is what I want. But should my decision on what I will do for the next couple of years be based on my wish for the future or on the wishes of my family and friends? My father has gone through so much in his life that it would kill me to break his heart. And then on the other side the only other man I’ve ever loved wants me to do something totally different. I feel torn apart. Oh god, help me.

By the way… do I sound like a whiner in this journal entry? I hope not… I’m just confused and couldn’t fit all my thoughts even onto this one entry in time before half of them just dwindled from my mind. Lemme tell you- the other half was good; that’s all I remember.

I feel better now. I guess I’ll just ‘go with the flow.’

ok ok

Thu, 10 May 2007 01:10:27 GMT

so its wednesday night. middle of the week. work tomorrow and friday then miami. kevin in T-16 days. school in T-4 days... what else is there to look forward to? who knows...

ok here we go

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 01:38:01 GMT

so finally school is almost over and shit is settling down. bring me the pina colada's and let summer vacation start already. unfortunately its not going to be that way for a little longer. working my ass of this month and then taking summer classes... anyone else in my position?

arg

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 12:41:46 GMT

finals...

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 04:08:53 GMT

well, today i re-read everything i have posted. not much eh? lol. whatever. i was really moody and pissed off most of the time. i was so confused and weird.haha! well, thats all gone. of'course i have my moments of self pity but i try and get over these moments as fast as i can. watching patch adams- what a nice guy...
anyway, got lost in the tv for a moment there:
umm...i dont have much to talk about right now.

bye

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 23:38:30 GMT

new year, new thoughts, fresh new start...
i know im a little late seeing as its already april but whatever.

for those of you who like the movies

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 06:11:14 GMT

you have to go and see the movie "Babel". it just came out and oddly enough i had never heard of it before tonight. thats when i went to check it out and it is incredible. really incredible. this movie isnt for those people who like to sit and be entertained, no no. its more for those who like to know about things that actually DO happen in the world around us. things that actually happen everyday. let me put it this way: i usually cant sit and watch a movie for more than an hour and i was intrigued by this film the whole way. which by the way was 2.5 hours long. that should tell you something. go and check it out. its really worth it
corinne

experience is the essence

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 00:11:51 GMT

you never stop learning. your whole life is spent doing this. when youre born, you learn to walk and talk. when you get old enough you learn to read and write. high school is preparation for college. college is preparation for life. life is getting ready for marriage. marriage for a family. family leads to more learning and work. you have a family and experience birth, growth and teach more to others. teach what you already know, all the while learning how to do this- in itself this is difficult. then you let your children go. let them lead their own lives. and you have to learn how to let them go and continue with your own life. then comes grandchildren and so you learn how you should be with them. after comes retirement and old age. until finally you've reached the end of the road. this is how wisdom is aquired. and we do not realize that what our elders tell us is true from what they have experienced until we have experienced it ourselves. thats why we make mistakes. think about it. if we really listened to everything our parents told us to do: study, dont drink, dont smoke, no drugs, dont touch the stove, sex when your ready, marry stable, go to college... the list goes on and on. but then again, if we listened to everything our parents said we would never have problems and nothing would ever go wrong. this isnt the case of course. so, we all make mistakes and learn everything on our own unless we decide to listen to those who know what they are talking about. we do not realize the mistakes we have made until we are old enough to do so. like now. things i think and feel now i did not understand before and did not believe would ever happen. maturity and wisdom are gained through experience. no one will understand until they experience it themselves.

a reflection

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 04:31:03 GMT

i think the reason why i feel so shity, is because its been 5 months already. october 16, 2006- 5 months ago i went to the airport to say goodbye to the one person i love more than anything in the world. the one person i would give up anything and everything for. the one person who feels the same way about me as i do about him. im not used to going more than 4 and a half months since we've been together without seeing him. 4 and a half months is a fucking long time if i do say so myself. and yet, now 5 months feels like an eternity. another 2 months and one week to go! not as fucking long as these past five. but still, i feel like this is going to go way too slow. hey, corinne! what happened to the optimistic corinne? what the fuck? why am i being like this- i hate feeling sorry for myself, shit man. as the day goes by i feel fine, like everythings cool and shit; until i get home from work and get ready to crash after a long exhausting day. thats when it hits me. what the hell is going on? why am i still fucking here? why cant these next four years be over with already so i can leave. but then today i talked with someone who knows what im going through and they gave me insight on the whole matter. so now, i dont feel so bad. and now i know that its ok to feel shity sometimes and feel sorry for myself on occassion. because life goes on and in the end everything works out the way its supposed to be. the next two months are going to be a blast, because ill make them so damnit. and when i finally fly out of here on december 21, ill be the happiest fucking bitch you've ever seen. believe me, i will. and when i come back on the 4 of january, ill still be the happiest fucking bitch you've ever seen. because i wont let shit bring me down since now i know that everything is going to be alright and i dont need to worry.
on another note,
people are such ass holes. its true! what the hell, who can believe that people are born good. its getting harder and harder for me to believe that as each day goes by and the sun sets on all us fuckers.
be nice to each other, no matter what happens.
anyone who tells you they never regret anything they do is a bullshiter and should be told so.
:)
but seriouosly guys, i love you all. dont think that i think that you all are dumb asses, i dont. i really do love you all... most of you anyways. but shit, you take me for granted ill shoot you. :)

anyways, thats about all i have to say. just had to ventilate myself a little. now i feel better and hopefully will fall asleep, finally.

this is for everyone... help me with my paper

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 19:29:37 GMT

what do you think is true?

1-are teenagers having sex less
2-are they using more/better birth control
or
3-are guys becoming less fertile- (sperm count seems to be lower in mre rural sectors and higher in cities- aka- these chemicals (pesticides) are impacting your sperm).
?

just some info to help you with your decision:
-humans have already worst sperm - which is embarassing compared to other species.
-sperm counts are reportedly dropping by 1.5% a year in the US and 3% in europe and australia- however, they are not dropping so much in less developed areas.
-supposedly a study was done on alligators in a contaminated florida lake and they were found to have lower testosterone levels and small phalli- females in the lake had abnormally high levels of estrogen.

what do you think the answer is?
help me on this one guys, im supposed to have outsiders opinions. :)

AHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 04:12:51 GMT

MAN, i finally pierced my tongue... :/
it didnt hurt at all but now it kinda does... ugh...

...

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 23:45:44 GMT

i am so fucking bored...
blake, where are you...

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 23:27:33 GMT

what am i doing with myself???

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 22:47:18 GMT

i really do try hard, every single day, to be as happy as i can when im around my friends... the thought that maybe doing so would actually make me happy all the time has failed. its either A)the feeling of being distanced; B) the feeling of loneliness; or C)both and more. i know im not depressed- thats a little extreme. corinne's not the depressed kind. atleast thats what i have always thought. then again i always thought that i would stay where i am here and become something greater than what i am settling for now.
why cant i be happy with my situation? whats wrong with me? i feel like i never appreciate anything anymore- like nothing can make me happy...
corinne, unhappy? huh, must be someone with the same name. yeah, well. no.
i just cant wait to leave this place that im in already! im so impatient and not feeling too well.

there i go, feeling sorry for myself. why dont i ever just settle on one thing instead of thinking that everything is correct? dont i have my own opinion??? what the hell's wrong with me?
sheesh... someone get me a stress ball...

nothing

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 15:09:51 GMT

well, i am new to this thing and i just found out that the only person that uses this is blake ofcourse..... what a loser....
lol-
i cant believe he almost won last night, douche bag, lol.
let me think, another word for last nights "battle of the put downs"...
man, i dunno, i cant think of anything...